Ever met someone who always feels like they’re being left out, even when nobody’s actually excluding them? Well, science has an answer for that—especially when it comes to narcissists.
New research published by the American Psychological Association suggests that narcissists feel ostracized far more often than their less self-absorbed peers. And the kicker? It’s not just because people don’t like them—it’s because they’re wired to see rejection everywhere, even when it doesn’t exist.
According to lead researcher Christiane Büttner, PhD, from the University of Basel, feeling ostracized is a deeply personal experience that depends on how someone interprets social cues. “Some may be intentionally ostracized, while others may merely believe they are being excluded when that’s not the case,” Büttner explained.
Narcissists, it turns out, fall into the second category—they’re hypersensitive to any sign of exclusion, even when it’s just in their heads.
The Narcissist’s Mind
The study focused on grandiose narcissism—the kind that comes with an inflated sense of entitlement, a hunger for admiration, and a strong desire for dominance and status. Researchers analyzed data from a long-term survey of 1,592 people in Germany and found a clear pattern: The more narcissistic someone was, the more they reported feeling left out. But was this just self-reporting bias?
To dig deeper, researchers ran a two-week study where 323 participants logged moments when they felt excluded. The results? Narcissists reported feeling left out way more often than their less self-centered peers. And in a series of experiments with over 2,500 participants, narcissists even interpreted neutral social situations—like a simple group chat delay—as deliberate rejection.
One experiment involved a virtual ball-tossing game where two players could either include or exclude the participant. Even when they weren’t outright ignored, narcissists were more likely to feel like they were being shut out.
In another experiment, they were given hypothetical social scenarios and asked to rate how excluded they felt. Again, their sensitivity to even the slightest social cold shoulder was off the charts.
Do People Actually Avoid Narcissists? (Yes, They Do.)
The study didn’t just show that narcissists feel more rejected—it also suggested that they actually are rejected more often. People tend to keep their distance from highly narcissistic individuals, which means their perception of exclusion isn’t always just paranoia. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy: They expect rejection, behave in ways that annoy others, and then get rejected for real.
But the cycle doesn’t end there. Another massive study of over 72,000 people in New Zealand found that feeling excluded can actually increase narcissistic traits over time. In other words, social rejection doesn’t just hurt—it may make people even more self-absorbed in the long run.
What This Means for You (And Your Workplace Drama)
This research sheds light on why some people always seem to feel victimized in social or professional settings. If you work with—or for—a narcissist, their hypersensitivity to exclusion might be a major factor in workplace tension. They’re more likely to perceive harmless actions as personal attacks and respond with defensiveness, anger, or even aggression.
So, what’s the takeaway? Büttner suggests that any effort to improve workplace dynamics and social interactions should consider both the real and perceived experiences of exclusion. If narcissists feel left out—even when they aren’t—it could be fueling unnecessary conflict.
At the end of the day, not every ignored text, skipped invite, or short conversation is a snub. But for narcissists? It might always feel that way.
- Article Source: American Psychological Association
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