Ever feel like the harder you try to be happy, the more miserable you become? You’re not alone. Scientists have been scratching their heads over the “happiness paradox” for years—why does chasing happiness often backfire? Now, new research from the University of Toronto Scarborough has cracked the code: the relentless pursuit of happiness is mentally exhausting, draining our self-control and leading us straight into a cycle of bad decisions that make us even less happy.
Think of it like this: You decide you want to be happier, so you start pushing yourself—meditating, exercising, forcing yourself to feel grateful, curating the “perfect” life. But all that effort depletes your mental energy, making you more vulnerable to temptation.
Instead of sticking to the habits that might actually make you happy, you end up doom-scrolling social media, binge-eating snacks, or making other impulsive choices that just leave you feeling worse.
Professor Sam Maglio, co-author of the study, compares it to coming home from work exhausted. You know cleaning up or reading a book would be better for you, but you’re too mentally drained, so you collapse on the couch instead. The same thing happens with happiness—forcing yourself to chase it wears you out, making you less likely to do the things that would naturally make you feel good.
To test this, researchers conducted experiments where people who were primed to think about happiness ended up indulging more in chocolate and giving up faster on mental tasks. Why? Because focusing on happiness drained their willpower, leaving them with fewer mental resources to exercise self-control.
But here’s the twist: this doesn’t mean happiness is out of reach. It just means we’re going about it all wrong. Instead of treating happiness like a goal to be conquered—like money to be earned or items to be collected—we need to relax. Happiness, Maglio explains, is like holding sand in your hand. The tighter you grip, the faster it slips away.
So, what’s the secret? Stop forcing it. Instead of obsessively chasing happiness, try appreciating what you already have. Let life unfold. Enjoy the moment without overthinking it. The best way to be happy, it turns out, is to stop trying so hard.
- Article Source: International Association of Applied Psychology
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